home.
first cd i ever bought in ages. actually aunt nicole bought it for me. snow patrol. eight thumbs up. octupuses, please raise up ur hands. at aunt kimmy's place now. nim and myhanh are watching a football game. i dont understand. i know i should start. so i'm upstairs listening to snow patrol. bean, u might like it my dear. using Y-lan's room now. nim and hwee are next door. watching the match too. hwee got american idiot, which is nice coz i got to listen to boulevard of broken dreams. listened to lamb too... dunno who else ard me would like lamb though.
Recommended songs... to jiaxian and bean who might like it. edith u wanna try listen to it too? It's called the blower's daughter. And to bean: somewhere a clock is ticking by snow patrol. And i recommend anyone who comes to this blog, to watch closer. nice show. going to watch white noise later!! :) haha they have very nice clothes over here. i forsee my wardrobe expanding:) they also have nice cds too. bean u want anything? :)
the young adults act so differently when my mom isnt around. more relaxed and more do whatever u want. that's quite a relief... enjoying to snow patrol's final straw cd. ole... love you to the people in singapore that i love. you guys know who u are.... :)
Saturday, January 8, 2005 08:33 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
finally
at my aunt vee's place :) finally i can blog... i went clubbing yesterday at this huge club called boogie. It was mediocre. I miss how it feels like to club in singapore. It's very different over here. :) but it was quite an experience... Girls were dancing on the DJ table. Girls with really short skirts. More couples were fooling around in the club too. Many people at the club looked sexed up. And the guys here have more guts i guess. Or if u want to look at it another way, they simply dare to ask girls to dance with them. I could continue assuming that it means desperation but one thing i learnt during my stay so far is , some things just mean what they mean. A man eating ice cream in winter is just a guy eating ice cream in winter. Why he does so, entirely depends on the way you think (unless u ask him). Oh well... It's been a rather emotional journey. Sometimes i would just cry at the backseats of my brother's car. My favourite crying spot.
I'm very thankful though that my relatives made it possible for me to:
go shoot at the shooting range.
go clubbing and allowing me to dance as i please.
eat loads of mexican and vietnamese food.
drive us around so we can hang out at The Block and Spectrum
making sure we weren't starved.
Allow us to rent DVD after DVD.
snowboarding at Big Bear.
:) i miss people though. haha it's so natural to miss people. To all you people... i miss u guys even when i'm in singapore man. I'm just missing u in another country. :)
Loved talking to adele on the phone, especially since i'm using a US line so it's much much cheaper. as a result, we talked so much cock. But even that made me delirious :) hohoho
Friday, December 31, 2004 12:13 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
the internet makes where a person is unimportant really... so here i am at narita airport in Tokyo, surfing the web for free. The Japan keyboard is kinda cool and there are many places to sleep over here in the airport that is. Also, needless to say but i`ll say it anyhow, the food is fexpensive. Got some japan souveniers. tralala.
Sunday, December 19, 2004 02:18 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
my le strange dream.... dreamt del and i were have a pop corn eating competition just hours before prom. and i was loooking at the shelf for some low fat popcorn and i couldn't find any. everything was orange , red and fattening. and i couldnt decide. Time was running out. and i was getitng all stressed and then i woke up. tweet tweet. it was already morning.
i fell asleep on the phone ydae while talking to mark. blaahdidaah. and i recieved an overseas sms from olive! wao :) so cool. tt crazy girl :) i'm also reminded of pple interpreting dreams for me and that nicole informed me that some particular lady is back in spore.haha what can i sae.went to the ac zouk party and saw some old red badge acquaintances. see these two points link up and they make a "paiseh" concoction.
i've been craving for the marmalade pantry since forever and ken is sick but he was still able to trick me by telling me chuck noris is gay. watched Missing in Action ydae :) chuck noris is in it! the show's not bad. both my parents have watched it. it was odd because they were all watching the same show but all of us sat at seperate places. Just like dinner. ydae, all of us happened to eat at the same time but everyone took their corner in the house. haha i flew to my room, busy trying to FINISH something. haha well u noe, chuck noris does look gay.but i wish i had his strength. 7 time world karate champion. ole :) haha. yay now jacinth is talking to me. k good morning world. this is such a personal entry. :) personal meaning only a few would understand.
Sunday, December 12, 2004 07:41 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
voila!
prom Check-check check check it out. what what what's it all about. :)
Thursday, December 9, 2004 10:13 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
The Relation-ship
The ship sinks into the sea's huge mouth.
consumed, slowly. consumed, whole.
And in the eye of the storm, it relinquishes to nature's hunger.
The last of it's mast soon vanished from the superficial view of the deep greenish blue.
Once again, kept, out of my sight.
Some sort of relief for without sight, the mind does forget.
Every relation-ship has it's past, it's glory and it's wreck.
And you ponder and foresee, like the captain scanning the atmosphere with his telescope, what lies ahead for it.
Dive down, i am ordered. Yet dive down, i do with fear.
Because every vertical meter i travel,
the closer i am to the mistakes and mishaps,
buried, improperly in the heart of darkness,
like junk that isn't disposed of properly.
As incomplete as it's end of days, is it's memory in the heart and mind.
Neither settled or at peace.
These ships haunt the sea like they do my dreams,
and worse, my conscience.
Friday, December 3, 2004 08:18 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
Chadeh Patey.
Aint no sunshine when she's gone. It's not warm when she's away. Aint no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away. Wonder this time where she's gone. Wonder if she's gonna stay. Aint no sunshine when's she gone and this house just aint no home, anytime she goes away. I know, aint no sunshine when she's gone. Aint no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday. Aint no sunshine when she's gone, and this house aint no home anytime she goes away, anytime she goes away.- billy withers
yesterday sk treated me to coffee club because i'm so froke. we were sort of eating our last supper. very very nice night though, exchanged presents. And finally, brought him home to his best friend's place, which i reckon is next to cel's house, at braddell heights estate. really small singapore we live in. :) he's currently flying on Qatar Air, to Egypt! :) jan does the egyptian dance.
i'm wondering, how much worth is a 10 second long look into each other's eyes, because i was doing that when i was walking down the damn pink stairs. hmmmm and i'm convince people should dye their hair shades of brown because chihao dyed his and his hair was jaw droppingly eye-candyish. :) haha happy preparing for grad pple! :) i purchased my grad dress at stylemart.It's a north indian costume and it's being tailored by this very talented women. :)the benefit of being young is u can fit into most sarees :)( i overheard a woman complaining she couldnt fit into the saree she was tryin on. and she was far from big,sigh. :))
back to staring at people. well shen would notice i'm beginning to stare quite blatantly at things like... girls with short skirts, girls who are skinny, girls with nice thin arms, girls who look really good in their short skirts. girls who have skirt that u cant find in most places. Girls with bung girlfriends. Girls with alluring hair. Girls with really lean bodies. i always have this habit of checking if their face fits their body or vice versa. perhaps i can join the lecher's club. ah, why ever not. Girls are always nicer to look at, unless it's jude law i'm seeing in front of me. oh jude.(x3) :) slurp lick bite. :)
on lego! well i bought bionicles. it's something like transformers, except u build the whole robot urself. i never thought i'd ever do something like that but the new lego looks very different from the older ones. which is why even though i wanted the x wing fighter and the ferrari f1 racer, i didnt get it. plus both of them cost over a hundred dollars. now i wouldnt want my dad who lent me his gold visa, to not lend me his visa anymore, :) so i kept it within the 100 range. next time i must try the technic series because lego aint fun if it isn't difficult.
Listening to dirty vegas now :) makes me want to patey. :)
and i also realised, for a guy to win a girl's heart, he should do something she likes, be hard to get and not do too much for the girl in the process of getting her attention. Dont do sweet things in general to win her heart because it'll be futile. in fact it's like giving pressure to the girl to be nice to you just because you're being extra nice to her. and pressure is a huge nono, because that's asking for rejection, or a short term relationship(unless one's goal is something short term)!
also, i miss small fonts, so i'm going back to tiny font.
i also got myself a trainer by the name of wayne. he looks better than batman( in ur face batman!). :) haha going to the gay gym again lata! "woot woot"(copyright of kenneth and co).
Friday, December 3, 2004 07:45 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
post exams have been excellent so far. Take yesterday for example:
7.45am- sngs! do pbm stuff & see eeEeeEdith.
10-11am brunch at novena spinellis with Shen N dith.
1100-1830hrs visit my fellow animals at the zoo and sheltering myself from butterflies!
2115-2300 meet up with mich, amelia @ clark quay and had a visit from denny, so we talked(me and denny).
2400-0214 Zouk. danced to house, which i find is really nice music to dance to!My gratitude to Roy for enlightenment and free tix.
this morning i filed my work. and i realised that i'm quite glad it's over. And i also realised, man look the standard of my work?! it's simply, terrible. yes, terrible is subjective. Some may find it worse than terrible.
and i realised House music has more control over people's moods. The Dj can control of the mood of the crowd, which if u think about it, can actually appear scary. Either we're all a bunch of suckers or he's really good. Well he/she can really brainwash us! yep.
and yes, the good thing about post exams, it automatically means more freedom. ole. We are slaves of freedom! looks like this doesnt have an end. which is why sometimes the basic concept of the matrix does make some sort of sense. oh well.okae... i gotta go fix them curtains for my moma.
Saturday, November 27, 2004 09:00 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
To my dad
music of the moment : The Jealous Sound, There is hope for us.
if ur wondering shawn, yes that line is yours.all credit is yours. i wonder if u still read this blog.
Thought of the moment:
It's times like these i want to puke out all the food my father has bought for me because it's his money i'm using. And i cant believe i just ate dinner he bought for me. Now let's see, it's a good time to start my bullemic habit ay? Grad is coming anywae... The thing about him is, he's so proud that i'm dependent of him. Proud that i can kick scream shout complain snap whine at him and at the end of the day, he has every right to tell me, that i have no power, which is the absolute truth. I am no one without him. And i say this with much shame. I cant wait for the day i can be independent of him and he'll have nothing to smirk about. How's that for feeling powerless u huge pile of poo poo! I just dont even want him to give me my allowance in the states. Screw off!
You tell me i win, you tell me enough and have it your way. Well that's because you dont want to listen. Cant u have any space for a daughter's words. Do you think all that i say is nonsense? Do you only believe what professionals tell you, even when i was the one who told you first? How do you expect me to live like this? In a house where my father seems to love me but actually he doesnt. Deep inside, it's more of underestimation and condescendment. Thank you very much.
i've put up with this for 18 yrs. now i know why mom doesnt want to touch anything you've spent. Because this way, you cant have any case for yourself. Money cant love. money cant buy love when ur heart is rotten.Perhaps going to america is a good thing... there, i have a tad less control from you. So you think you've sheltered me from the evils of this world? OR have you blinded me... Sometimes i feel, "freak, it's too late." Well at least when i go over there, you dont need to breathe down my neck and pierce my conscience, when ur conscience isnt even clear. Join me in adolescence papa. Your learning days arent over. THEy areNT!!!!!!
but when one thinks more about things, everywhere, someone is gonna control you. I need to get it right. I need to come clean. I need to be something besides you.
i cannot deny the very blood and genes that make me belong to your seeds. The seeds you planted because mom thought i could make a positive difference to our family.
my head prances about wishes to have never been related to you.
Money must be sunny in a rich man's world. And in this family, money is thicker than blood.
what the heck.
Sunday, November 21, 2004 07:33 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
le tired le tired le tired le tired. didnt bring my pencil box to skl! thank god for denise who had an extra calculator and bren and mandy and del for their stationery.
school starts january tenth for me... i may be going off on december 11th but tt's so dammit early... ugh. :( i donts wants.... but i wants to gos on holidaes with del too.
nic let me listen to eminem's latest song, mockingbird, which was great!! :) i put the Deepavali photos up on the photos page. go check it out moi! the light in the sea of darkness. diwali was sad though coz there were so little indians around. and new year was rather quiet for them. but i tried tons of indian goodies! and ate great indian food. and i was a chinese indian cousin of my tutor, rayna. :) and i ate with my hands! something my dad doesnt like me doing. haha. going to take a nap nap now. snooooze as you would call it.
Today again, del and i were having a character swapping thing by the fan. I was twisting my body like she would do. and she was warming her hands like i would do! this queer world. Del! if u read this, nicole is going to us too. perhaps 3 of us could prance from the east to the west :)
i sound happy to be flying away...no i am not keen to leave my friends and loved ones over here. but positivity is what i have to have. my brother kindly bought a house near the collge for me :) and in my room, i'll put up lotsa photos of me and my dear friends so i wont feel so far away.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004 01:15 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
the wicked games we play
oh what a joy, it is to read, (if u understand what ur reading...) reading articles written by columnists of Straits times. :) it's so much better than reading the bloody forum.
"Life gets better, yet people feel worse . Progress is measurable and quantifiable. The statistics prove beyond doubt that people in the industrialised world - which includes much of Europe, North America, Japan, Australia, and newly industrialising economies like Singapore and Taiwan - are far better off than they were not only five to 10 years ago, but better off than human beings have ever been in history. Part of the reason few of us are convinced we are better off is that progress may be measurable but it cannot be directly experienced. It is possible, of course, with the application of just a modicum of imagination, to recall how it felt living in a three-room Housing Board flat when one is now living in a five-room HDB flat or a private condominium. But it takes effort; the past is always a passing experience; and what occupies the foreground of one's mind is almost invariably the altogether imperious present."- Janadas Devan
Wednesday, November 3, 2004 03:34 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
perhaps perhaps perhaps
yes it's been ages since she's written in here. but she thought, "why ever not today?" Besides, she wanted to check her email,for a particular person's reply. She typed with vivace on the keyboard, not forgetting her endless practicing of key board typing during her younger days, where her maid would teach her "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog", and where her mom would often inspire her to type without looking at the keyboard. Oh and of course the aimless finger dabbling onto key boards during boring and yawning computer lessons in school that thought microsoft powerpoint.
She felt slight tinge of disdain and disappointment after reading. In her head, she could imagine a girl with pink streaks on her cheek, as rouge as "nu3 er2 hong2". Perhaps somethings have changed. Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps. "I saw the yellow face on the picture.It's so you. Why am i even thinking?!"
Perhaps she should proceded to slap herself with a big large trout,literally of course. She was too vain. Like the haughty flower in The Little Prince.
The tele was tuned to Channel News Asia. Always channelnewsasia. Her parent's favourite channel. And apparently, Osama is back!He was in a 18 minute video."Oh hi sir. how to you do? Why didnt President Bush catch you?" Apparently, he is in good health and high spirits. She thinks that's very funny because it's ironic in a way. The world and perhaps many US citizens are worrying their butts off and the conditions he is described to be in total contrast. Imagine Mr Osama having short bread and tea. :) wow. Kerry says he is a barbarian. A man on the streets in new york called him a Lunatic.
Today... she also realised... that there was her favourite restaurant at Harbourfront... SUBWAY. As she strolled through harbourfront after dinner with her father, she thought of how this place would bring her new fond memories.
Spizzas was the dinner location after spending a day, with mostly with her dear friend Mark, studying at Hong Leong Shopping centre, at his friend's emily, piano centre. The place was very quiet and condusive and handphone reception-less... It was good in a way because the poor reception gave her a reason to be detached from the world for while. Sometimes being alone is wonderful. But sometimes being and having friends make life and all a person does, more meaningful. They got really tired by six... so we called time out. :) At the end of the study session there were a few realizations,like the rotten state of her stats... and a warning (once again)to lazy janice, that constant practice is essential.
It is twenty minutes to twelve. Her eyes, suffocating under the contact lenses are getting dry and tired. And the last thing on her mind now is, everyone remembers the Ij uniform and she doesnt KNow Why....
Saturday, October 30, 2004 11:11 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
But those who hope in the lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint.Work hard. work smart. work right. and composure.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004 06:55 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
And I know it¡¯s just a spring haze... and I don¡¯t quite like the look of it. And if angels were a godsent, like men, breathing in. somehow this clouds go somewhere, billowing out to somewhere.prelims... tumbleweed...kit kats. weight loss. thoughts. predictions. imaginations. dreams. laziness. what makes us worthy humans? what? looking good? helping people? being almost perfect?
Monday, September 27, 2004 01:09 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
beavis and butthead today
hmmm ten more minutes to my dad's emperor show. i had daddy daughter time with him today despite my disgusting FLU! goodness. i was so dependent on toilet paper to blow my nose. it reminds me of kangwei :) but then again a lot of things remind me of a lot people. Went baker's inn and i finally got my taste buds on some lemon souffle! wao. the texture is just amazing. i wonder how much skill it is to do! i wanted to bake souffle not long ago. but i realised i didn't have the souffle cup. it's basically ceramic. i only have a ceramic plate, like those u bake rice in. and it's difficult to find a souffle cup tray. couldnt even find it in australia. only certain marts sold it. :) well my dad had good old cheese cake. standard trusted stuff for the old man, and coffee. i'm glad he was impressed by their coffee coz it was thick and black. He grumbled so much about how we had to pay for water! oh well... :) then i asked him the Dalai Lama quiz. haha. Which would u put first? Tiger, Cow, Sheep, Pig or Horse?
b4 we ate at baker's inn, we were at fish and co, where i had their new Unagi salad. It's great coz they dont use fattening dressing! instead, it's low calorie teriyaki sauce!! goodie. :) i was elated. and peeling the meat off the damn unagi skin delayed eating time so although the serving was small, i took the same time to eat my salad as my dad ate his main course.
Later we went to times and i browsed through recommended Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. hmmmm :) hahaha what can i say. i feel like buying the book for my dad and some guys tt i know coz it would be so USEFUL... ALSO... my Vougue American september ISSUE is sold out!!!!!!i am very sad. gonna buy online :) heheh. it is a must have! all the pretty girls and pretty commercials and the commentary about it on Life. Gosh i'm rattling on :)
Then i went to marks and spencers. Retail therapy is so much better if it's free. Well isn't tt so for everyone? Blew sixty bucks on food items. haha. Cheddar straws, Goat mini pastries, cereal, orange chocolate, pralines, ginger snaps, chocholate chips, etc etc. okay i sound like a pig.
well i'm just feeling very Very fortunate. i mean i can afford to make myself happy. i can go shopping, pick stuff and ensure what i chose gets paid for. i have friends sending me smses tt are ever interesting, and even, pleasantly Morbid. Interesting and plesantly morbid, now tickles my fancy. haha There is for now, a sorta peace in Singapore. We haven't been attacked by terrorist. maybe when tt happens i wont be so happy anymore.
was at subway today and rocky masters STUDYING in the morning with paul and then roy was at subway. tralala. Ate the ultimate lunch. Fillet o fish, with NO tar tar sauce, garlic chilli sauce on cheese and fish patty oil pressed with 5 serviets, and also some fries to go with that, Pressed Fries. :) but i had such horrid flu. and my nose was making all sorts of crazy noisy.i hope i get well soon. Thank you paul for the medicine. i will never chew powder pills again! My flu reminded me of shen. Apparently shen, you've never known anyone with flu worse than urs! but here i am! we're quits dying with flu now. awwww... i hope i didnt pass it to you... did i?!?!!
Ken and sam came to visit lata. and i got myself free pretzel! haha it was nice to get a visit :) well thanks to ken doing good deeds, ken got himself a small nippon pouch of ching... haha :). k think i'm done. suddenly i just feel like deleting all tt i wrote. haha oh well... i'm tired i am going to sleep. good night. my mom is watching serial again. life goes on. this has been a nice friday...and what i think of cats?? well i think purr!
Friday, September 10, 2004 10:55 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
Endorphines. You make me sad and you make me happy.
Beguile the time, just for a while.
Patronizing.
And a little white lie.
Endorphines, you make me weak, but i'm stuck on you.
I made you make me weak, and i stuck to you.
Here i am, going for another dose of morphine.
The curse of the youth of the instant-gratification-nation.
Monday, September 6, 2004 01:19 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
21 questions. haha.
chocolate in the morning sucks... too indulging for comfort! ugh... for the lack of anything to eat in the house, i opted for chocolates... and they taste bad. so i went for a chinese pear, and it's fine. BUt it got boring. so i went back to chocolate and i got reminded by how the after taste was disgusting... SIGheyeYey.been rather discordant lately. bordering delving into my own misery or being strong and nonchalant and being just fine. I guess, in life we really do stupid things, like writing in pencil for half ur bloody essay during prelims, a very fucking important examination. i wonder if tt's a signal for my stupidity and the impending doom lying ahead of me, a.k.a, doing spectacularly shitty for the rest of my subjects.And hey, even life! Yuck. Sometimes, i hate my pessimism because pessimism is weak. Oh how swayed one can be. Writing my thoughts down sure does have a strong effect on me. It can change my outlook on things halfway through my aimless rant. Well, here's some food for thought, by saying i'm trying is already failing. The heart is like a rope in a tug of war. I dont like weak but i dont wanna be strong. i cant be strong. i donno. hai i'd really love to run away. what kind of human am i? a wuss? puss? hai. Goo Goo Dolls sang in their superb song Iris: "And i dont want the world to see me, coz i dont think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am."
Is there really a possibility of disappearing from the world just like that? (besides dying of course)Sometimes i feel, i need a long break. And after that break ,everything will be good. See, note the absoluteness of everything. I like things to be fine and dainty 24/7. Is this because i've been brought up to be so spoit rotten, tt i really dont like to be swimming in chaos and disorder for too long? I dunno. But back to the world issue. The world is not so kind as to let you run away. i can't. i mean, i can. Am i right now? as i write this blog? It is almost like sin and i feel guilt. Or is it just me that's bein hyper sensitive? Why is there a question everywhere i turn to? Does this mean i'm stupid and i cant answer myself?
And about "dont understand". Hey i wonder how many pple think they're not understood. i am no better. so i am being sucked into this vacumm too? I have this great inclination to say, "So WhAt" but i feel for this phrase. IN darkness and in the silence of e night, i listen to this song on bed and it puts me on a washboard. the words strum my emotions like clothes being pushed down the board, drowning into the soap, and the soap pierces my eyes so i cant help but cry.
walking contradiction. I am a walking contradiction. I like stability yet stability bores me. I like exciting, but too much can give me fibrilations of the heart and it makes me clamour of stability once again.
i dont know. i dont know i dont know. well this is not the first time i'm questioning why i am so bloody ironic.
Suddenly, i want to be a female gynaecologist, again. Goodness me. Dont make promises you cant keep. Perhaps i'm a piece of barren land. Perhaps the barren lands have big dreams. But nothing can grow out of them. Sowned seeds will wither and crumple under the soil. and nothing lives and nothing breathes. My friend asked me if i went on an island, who would i bring, well... i'd say God. I need to have a te-a-tete with him. oh yes this reminds me... i have to pass a bible to Fazlin. haha.
Conclusion, dont think so much. It'll make one feel better. going to the doctors soon... i apologize to the pple i didnt reply on sms ydae. my heart was heavy and my heart was foul.
Sunday, September 5, 2004 08:55 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
i haven't written on this for a long time... not because i stopped thinking about writing here, but everytime i log on, i look at the screen and a whole train of thought fills my mind, so many voices are talking to me in my head and i dont know what to listen to. This is what it's like most of the time. When i do my GP essay, or do CHem MCQ, anything that i feel not too confident about. Oh well it's not tt i cant change it. Just a matter of control.I pang sehed Shen today. My apologies to the "so-so innocent one". :) Nah, here's a para totally devoted to you!
Anyway, i decided i was unfit to go out coz i was continuous falling asleep during tution. Woke up early in the morning and i slept late ydae coz after dinner, we went to study at Subway till twelve plus. :) haha how hardworking that sounds. Oh well i hope none of you (whoever reads this blog) will consider that hardworking at all. Hardworking is not measured this way.
I must declare that i really enjoyed my dinner and arguing with Shen over MAths!!! wao!About dinner,i had kang kong and stingray, both peppered with lotsa belachan!Imagine eating that in cold icy weather that has a foreign feel. If it happens in Singapore, Why call it foreign?? Well because it is rare! And about debating, well it's good because when you debate and you finally understand where u went wrong, the lesson learnt sticks to you, like glue! It's another way of effectively commiting info to ur memory. Unfortunately, we cant debate on everything under the sun. :) i mean in my class, there's no one i want to debate with because everyone doesn't really give a shit about any body else. Perhaps except Yin Pin and Denise, who argue so affectionately about concepts of math, bio , and chem. Well sometimes i feel like Denise because we share a particular character trait. That is, when i think my concept is right, i stick to that concept and close my eyes to the possibility of my erring. :) haha Like how i took so long to believe shen that perpendicular bisectors need not necessarily consist of 2 complex numbers on each side of the equation. haha I'm forming mathematical sentences only JC students will get!
This morning i had mac donalds breakfast! Triple decker taste great. i'm a triple decker fan! :) yayayayayayayayayay. it's a total of 195+100+160=450 Kcals. a Filet-o-fish is 360 though but the portion size is very small comparitively. But fillet-o-fish tastes commendably good as well, esp during rainy weather. :)
I have also discovered how nice Mr Mohan is :) haha he's my newest pin up poster boy bcoz he's so approachable and he sounds like he really cares :)n he bothers to read what i write line by line...unlike...Ak. But i dont blame Ak. Everyone has their flaws.
And everyone loves to be doted on. Well, at least i do. i shall log off now... my dad wants to use the com...my mom is bringing home treasures from takashimaya food basement. Another funny thing is there was a flyer at my door, about PAu delivery. i mean isn't tat terrific?! i can order all the damn paus i want! Vegetable, Lian Yong and TAu SAR! mmmmmm hahaha. good for rainy day. AND I'VE DECIDED, next year, i'm holding a sub way party for my birthday!! i mean tt's so exciting! i can try all the flavours subway has to offer! goodie goodie. k all i wanna do now, is sleeP. Good night, in the afternoon.
Saturday, August 21, 2004 03:59 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
a class of it's own...
hope the skl has no qualms of publishing this... :)
personally i like it coz joel and i wrote it. tralala. ding ding dong.haha
6 guys. 23 girls. One teacher with an intruiging name.
An aggregation of emulsified lipid droplets.
You see, we were quite seperate.
Hail, pandemonium abound. Enter Adele.
Ceaseless caho followed with the onslaught of PW and all that jazz.
We were very le tired...
Nonetheless,
we were blessed with many gifts:
An econs polysacaccharide,
Mr Julia Roberts,
Bart Simpson,
A twig from a sage tree,
and an anxious chemist,
They saw us through our promos.
Alas sailed in the forth year of a thousand times two,
Clarabelle, Meijun, Adonsia and Xianfang were greener pastures due,
A familiar face,came to replace...Enter Mrs Helen Chong
Ceteris Paribus...
First step to unification,
The one 12/03 policy embodied by the birth of the class t shirt,
followed by
the lovey-dovey-saccharine-candy-friendship week project
and...
the mad prata-for-charity sale
and...
The joyfully saddistic celebrations of birthday boys and girls each month.
So tis' a memoir of twelve oh three.
6 guys and 19 girls,
...Though we are not of strength which old days moved earth and heaven,and are made weak by time and fate.
We are but strong in will to seek to find and not to yield...
We bet,
we're a pleasant part of Anderson's History.
we pray thee agree.
A lil bit of info on my class.
Class:12/03
Form teacher: Lim Pang Jee
Status:trouble making, problem causing, non adhering and skl admin's & some teachers' nightmare. Other than that, we're really normal. Divided in clicks. We've got the face of AJ in our class. and etc etc etc.thoughts for today? i have none. i feel stupid. but i'm just being vain. get it? vain coz i appear thoughtless. vanity vanity vanity. greed greed greed.
Friday, August 6, 2004 08:35 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
credits sake...
The trouble with telling stories, however, is that you always leave something out.This is partly because there are many aspects of ourselves that we would hide (even from ourselves), and as such, we rarely introduce ourselves as being boring or bad or untrustworthy... But also, being finite creatures, our stories about ourselves have to leave out many other possibilities. So, the story we tell about ourselves always has bits left out, attributes that we do not think really belong in our accounts of ourselves.
These left-out bits and reminders often lie forgotten and neglected, but, on occasion, they become part of a counter-narrative - in that they are put together to act as a mirror for our own identity. In this way, the story we tell about ourselves, is implicitly a story about how we are different from others. In other words, the story of yourself is also a story of somebody else.
The identity of the west is narrated, to some extent, by a set of implied contrasts with other stories: stories of the 'rest'. The identity of the west is based on often implicit assumptions about the way its story differs from the stories of the rest. The story of Islam, for example, is often in opposition to the stories of the west.
Thus the identification of the west as 'essentially' democratic, modern, and civilised requires the narration of Islam as 'essentially' authoritarian, traditional, and barbaric.
The trouble with these stories is that, like all stories, they are only partial accounts. There are other versions in which, for example, the west could be described as totalitarian, genocidal and racist; or Islam could be portrayed as being tolerant, progressive and egalitarian. The version that prevails is the one that is supported by most influential networks of power and knowledge. In the current world order, it is the story of the west identified as being modern, democratic and civilised that is the most dominant.--Crusades and Jihads in Postcolonial Times
By Dr S Sayyid from the BBC
psychotic, neurotic and something wrong.
oh i love that line.
saddisticmasochist... oh i love that line too.
listening to Felicidade by Suba. :) yay. yum yum.
and i just familiarized myself with the Israel-Palestine conflict...
after tuition i went for a tai tai treat...at J's salon and nail spa. Learnt alot of things like how 3 strands of hair was suppose to grow out of each root. and i saw my scalp!woah...yes it's clean but oily and i have a lot of roots which are not growing hair because i love combing my hair till a lot of my hair drops... i find it a good filtering proccess but i'm just crapping. so i got some shampoo tt's suited for my kind of hair. haha my mom and i spent like more than six hours at the salon. haha. crazy. and i did pedicure too... while my mom had facial. and she's bit mad... coz she's applying botox. took pictures of her forehead ydae so i can see the results in 3 weeks and then decided on my take on the products shes purchasing. i tot to myself:"soon she'll be injecting botox..." yucks. i mean... nah i'm jus bein reticent again... hehs. Okay but i observed that everyone in the facial line had such wonderful skin! hmmm guess tt's a standard requirement. and everyone at the overstaffed salon had nice sylish hair. a bung washed my hair todae.tt's a first :)
Thankful to my mom... they must think i'm a spoilt brat having such luxuries at such a young age.
oh well.
Right now i'm thinking the best way of propaganda is through music.
and my brother just gave me more info about applying to US for varsity. he's the kindest brother eva! hail to jose & myhanh :) triple yay.
and thank you very much edith and del.... what am i to do without you guys...
Sunday, August 1, 2004 09:15 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
this marks the end of my day.... after emailing tt cip guy, i'm gonna hit the sack and wake up at five to be vain... fight the leg hair (with hair removal cream tt smells like overipped papaya), but not the eye bags. oh well. u win and lose some. hai think i'm gonna sleep from 2 to 8pm... lol. haha wat is edith going to dooo??!! i'm repeating 100 years by five for fighting over and over again on my mp3, on my phone... i really feel like the world needs 48 hours... screw e fact tt if tt happens, we'll only want more... coz tt's neva gonna happen... right? good night my sweet world.
Friday, July 30, 2004 02:21 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
i like to read aloud...
Here is another dream,another forgetting, another doorway.
sound to drown the sting of rain on the pane, the sough of the wind and sound of the sea.
Sounds like feathers, to miffle the sound of silence, and the beat of the heart.
Sound to go with you through the valley of the shadow in the dashboard of the shining car.
The comrfortable voice of the announcer purring the ruin of kingdoms,
the fall of cities, and the fall of wickets.
The random dead and the New Year Knights.
Sound like a sea, to conceal the bone, the broken shell, the broken ship. --A.S.J Tessimond.
okay todae i deleted an entry... ACCIDENTALLY. goodness i was so into writing it! must rush must rush. haha i just love the msn nick "sweet nuances". it's so languid and teh. haha niwae... i'm almost done with Shen's present. his big fay birthday is on SATURDAY! so tt twit has to wait till MONDAE to get his LOVELY present. wahahahaha. :) went town today to buy. now going town is like eating a tub of ben and jerry's. so indulgent. haha like since when... hai... good luck del...
hahaha i wanted to buy the whole of town todae... as i have explained to shawn, kenneth,spike and del. ahhhh! yes this whoole concept of giving and spending money. and i kept thinking about how if i bought this for so and so, she'll or he'll be so happy. there are various intentions for buying pple things... 1, u wanna make the person so very happy n you dont care what's in it for you. 2, u have the inclinations of buying so many things for the person coz u really like the person for God knows what reason and it's crazy coz everything seems suitable for that person. in other words... ur in love? 3, u want that person to like you or u have you to build an impression. this is a more self serving reason. It does include intentions of making someone happy but not as strong as the first one. 4, social commitment. this is the lowest of all reasons why one buys presents. but oh well... it has to happen. out of courtesy and... "respect". k i cant think of any more reasons why pple buy presents already... i must say that i ate subway again!!!! i am a subway queen!!! :) haha wait till the subway workers know me... then i'll have my own subway-worker's-fan-club-for-AJC-girl-who-frequents-subway. :) hee. had veggie delight. haven't indulged in it's simplicity for a v long time so now veggie delight tastes terrific again!! and...
i've decided that money does buy some form of love! u need money to buy things tt u think the recepient would appreciate. therefore u need money to translate some of ur thoughtfulness into action. action after all is what matters. thinking wishing and hoping isn't enough! well well well... i finally contacted my service learning guy... must settle all my cip hours and stuff! glad i got it going....
Thursday, July 29, 2004 08:55 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
a long day's journey into night.
wrote a whole para... and deleted it... all i wanted to write was about some words tt were stuck to my head... like "random message", "peace be with you", "i am extraordinary". i wanted to write about having a written conversation(like those u have in primary school) with faz during bio. i wanted to write tt i love to complain n i'm worse than a fuse. i wanted to write about how miss mani's lectures are acutally clear and i'm still baffled at how beautiful she looks with her her tied up like tt. i wanted to write about where i went on saturday. i wanted to write about how i'm addicted to Flower Duet of Lakme and music of the moment is she will be loved by maroon5. it's great. i wanted to write about the thought i had. i was thinking when i was browsin at gift shops todae, tt i love3 my grandma. maybe it's easier to love someone when their dead coz they dont irritate u anymore. my grandma nvr irritated me... but i'm wondering if i'd tell myself i did love my dad when he goes away. i wanted to write about why teachers only care about pple who fail badly? and not those who seem to be ok.
anyone who's v free at the moment should try reading the book "a long day's journey into night".tmr is tuesday... and i feel SIAN. i dont wanna really write it down coz i think it'll make me feel worse...
right now i'm thinking about the amt of things i have to do! gosh... i'm a prick. and a bad friend. outta here.
Monday, July 26, 2004 11:17 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
my hands kinda froze. and my feet. i saw the link and i was like oh my god is that? and could it be?!! ADELE!!!!!!!!!!!! you know what i'm talking about!!! hehs. think edith and bean will noe too. and guess wat?!! it was indeed!!!! oh no no... i'm quite.... -----.like wtf mate.Guess tt's what you do when u go far & away.i hope - doesnt find my blog dammit.if - does, oh well.this is so who dares win. But what do we get winning? nah maybe - isn't playing. maybe i'm playing solitaire, you noe, with myself. maybe tt's why it ----s. coz when u keep hitting the wall, the wall's just gonna make u bleed. it's cold and emotionless and apathic. or, a nicer guess would be, -'s still in the game. playing across the ocean. me and - playing in subtle but nasty cruel ways. i'm mad. this so reminds me of tori amos droning (very lovelily mind you) "why...does... it.... always end up like this."
i think i know why the game can't stop... because we stop at different times. these games should be stopped at the same time. sometimes it's crazy coz when one is already contemplating to stop, the other is still living, vengeful from yesterday's kinda thing. this is so love me if u dare. gosh i just realised how they must have felt! as nathanael would say, "i get it, but i dont understand", or something like tt la. yea no guts no glory. hai F la... i dont F care. i should leave the past behind. lol. live the past behind? lol.
maybe i just loved the past. maybe i just loved bein rather ------ about someone. maybe i'm just sorry about the things i did. maybe i just love the past. love that part of the past.maybe i should really take out "maybe"from all this paragraph of sentences coz i've ALREADY deliberated and given great thought to find reasons for my behaviour towards this matter for like a zillion times. If i keep thinking about ---, i noe i will become crazy. seriously. it will become this disease where u think someone is doing everything to bring a msg across to you. haha i learnt tt from another french show tt kenny and wenwei(my drama seniors)recommended to me. french films... dot dot dot.
but suddenly, i'm feeling, i shouldnt waste time.ggeeeet awae french films, memories, nostalgia, and silly emotions. aiyah...dammit. aiyah no it isnt so bad.failing my a levels is worse... oh no tt looks scary.
Saturday, July 24, 2004 06:05 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
and she said what about, breakfast at tiffany's.
have to be in school at eight in the morning... in secondary school, that would be considered late! now i find it too early! tired with heavy eyes. ate subway two days in a row. yay it's guud. woke up at six to check what phylum was online and what do Elodea do. haha. like wtf man...
watched mean girls at suntec ydae with Edith, Steph and Yunzi. tralala and i finally purchased the michael chang tix. i'm sorry but SISTIC is SLOW. felt so drained standing there waiting for the lady to check stuff for us. But mean girls was nice :)a lot of the good parts were on the trailer though so that kinda minused away a portion of the fun. We also went to TiMeS to immerse ourselves in books. lol do it the nj way. i was looking at magazines. haha. i didnt noe nicole kidman and tom cruise are back together. i mean, poor penelope! Then i was looking at a how to do make up book... really plastic. haha. but i was too lazy to read details. so i just read headings and pictures. perhaps i was really drained. And there was this book on living the way audrey hepburn did. i mean i loved my fair lady and breakfast at tiffany's. She looks terrific but the book made her perfect and that is impossible. so it kinda discredited the book. oh no, this reminds me of GP... aiyah...
Edith and i were talking about a levels and stuff again on the train home...yun and steph took bus 70 home. :)okae i think i better go... it looks windy outside. perhaps i'll get out of the house to enjoy some strong morning breeze b4 the sun brightens the sky. haha i talk abt weather too. damn. haha why?! haha
Saturday, July 24, 2004 06:59 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
flew away.
shopping shopping shopping shopping :) went jalan jalan in town for like 6 hours todae... :) yajust bought a nice white and dirty green mesh cap tt says "kiss my butt". oh adorable :) haha i've given my black bag to spike :) haha i'm generally quite happy todae la coz i watched smallville, and finally finished my vectors 3.i'm having this complacently feeling;like i've fulfiled all my goals in life.so dumb right.
u noe... they say, the first thing u do in the morning kinda tells u what u usually are... well the first thing i do when i wake up on the weekend is ... eat! and all i think of is a nice breakfast :) wanna have breakfast in the zoo again sometime :) tralala. well tt must mean i love eating. :) perhaps i'd be a food critic who has zenical in her bag :) haha. my mom is like going korea for holiday on her own. hai. and my mom wants me to apply to uni in the states now... with my o level results first so i can "reserve" a place. apparently they take 70% from ur o level results and 30% from a levels.
speaking of which... i still am appaled yet not really bothered yet bothered! about tt fact tt i've slackened after finishing my tutorial today. i think i wont understand this entry when i read it in 20 years time. like wtf is projections?!! hehs... sorry edith i'm stealing ur hehs line. it's too nice to be true. :) this reminds me of how i was trying to count schwan to schfifty five on my wae home and also mimic lines from "the end of the world". haha it's so funnie i tell you. i think spike was dying listening to me...
i think i'm living in my well again. enjoying the protection of the strong bastions. not caring about the real world. revolving my life around studying, eating, shoppin and the oddities of my dear friends... yea i'm blind and silly. sue me. (woah tt line is so shawn's)Reality is gonna hit me real hard and i'll feel like shit again, soon. :) oh wel... so this is ignorance in bliss in action. well... ken recommended me to read this blog coz it was hillarious in an insulting way. in between all his crap, are some nice thingys like the guy wished everyone good luck in whatever they do. i tot it was kinda sweet. no one really wishes tt anymore...unless they feel blessed or want to. well... maybe it's both reasons. so yea all ze best. i keep u in my prayers. "u" meaning those i care aboot of course. i think u noe who u all are. :)
i just remembered gp... which is quite saddening. haha i'm wavering betwween happy and sad. crap lar... no i dont think i've a mental disorder. i think i just wanna stay grounded. then again i think i'm givin myself stupid reasons to be sad. now tt's really imbecillic.
tmr there is SKL! F man... my friend who passed by aj commented tt it looks liveless... haha i was laffing quite hysterically reading tt comment. :) it's just the thang i wanna hear. adele asked me,"who do i noe actually likes AJ?" i couldnt give any names...but i'm sure there are. AJ isnt bad.... the teachers are not from hell. it's just too terribly to be liked due to a whole potpurri of reasons. i really dont feel like going school.
why is everything about the way i feel!?? arg... i'm gonna listen to my Mp3. i miss it. muacks! kisses for my mp3. haha i think i really sound insane.
-i've flown away, carried so easily by the slightest of winds,like a paperbag with nothing in it. |||| i've given in to the desires of my heart. sometimes the desires arent the best things to do. |||| i'm obsessed with doing the right thing,only to realise, there is no "right" thing. |||| i'm complacent. |||| and i'm very chinese (although i hate being connected with my roots),coz i feel strongly about shame and undeservingness.|||| Sometimes i think i'm meant to be subservient. |||| i'm just like everyone else. suckers. all of us.|||| the kind of pple who arent likely to possess any good genes.|||| society's bane. oh it sucks being this. but it makes one glad to die.|||| i'm not saying life sucks. but there, this is something i feel. once agn, didnt think i could have written it down. it's the kinda of things u think about constantly. k i'm le tired. sleep.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 11:20 p.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
DUh daily grind.
literally, i robot.
woke up at seven. i studied.
had tuition.
went church.
made a new friend.
had dinner.
waited for a bus for what seemed like ten million hours.
went home.
did chem hw.
then math hw.
fried my brain.
couldnt think anymore.
had breakfast: early chocolatey kit kat chunky.
went online.
went to blogs that i wanted to read.
read my mail.
checked out some quotes.
talking to shawn online.
no capacity to think.
no ability to feel.
no inclination to comment.
i just am.
living.
As dead as overcooked towgay on ur char kueh teow.
(however u spell that)
Monday, July 19, 2004 03:56 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
-
ten dollars for a great seat a kallang theatre where i had olivia in full view? Plus, meeting up with my old friends that i miss so Fing dearly... yes, that is postively and definitely worth it! Yesterday, Jo transform into a princess with her nice white shirt and black low-back spag. I almost couldnt recognize her at city hall train station but i didnt tell her. i just commented tt she looked great, which she did. :) We bought flowers at the basement of cityhall. Funny. I went there last week. ;) LOLZ. I met edith, steph and yun and edith's apparent gf for 8 years.(pls see "apparent")they were going for Qihang. There were also sooo many sngs girls around. prolly coz sngs ELDDS was performing as well at jubilee hall. Yesterday, ACJC also had their dance performance!
At Kallang theatre...
It was so difficult to get a cab to kallang theatre from the station! haha oh well we made it there in time anw.:)Needless to say, there was a whole lot of good looking people at the concert. 1700 people turned up. :) what raving response. i saw my ex physics teacher Mr Ho, whom i wont forget for a v long time. And my darling 74. sigh. :) all the memories! :) Eileen still seems to have a whole lot of self-deprecating self esteem although she looks great. i finally saw who her bf was. I met up with Jel who wants to open a restaurant.If only i was could be half as entrepreneuring as indos.the 74 pple i met ydae were: caleb, nat and Josh is his latest thick black frame plastic specs, weetheng and "beach hunk" daryl pan, judith, eileen, joanne and olivia. :) Olivia was great yesterdae. :) and she can dance, very well!
I also saw seraphina, Lijie, Ben, Engtee who was impressively gentlemanly at the door coz he allowed me to go in w/out a ticket with the permission of the people who check and tear ur tickets at kallang theatre, debra who was mCeeing in a v nice top, jacqueline who has a wardrobe change for the better!, Debbie, Jiehui and erm Shy/Sha? haha and managed to converse with her a little.
the NUS performance was literally rapturing. I couldnt do anything else, not even twitch, while they danced. It just got me fixated and somewhat moonstruck. It was also inspiring, both the music and the dance. :)
After the performance...
there was the usual picture taking, bouquet giving, hello saying, friendly hugging on stage. All was cool :) Olive was kind enuff to give me a lift to town coz my mom was too lazy to drive to kallang. i was in the car with her chio mom and dad, her erm cousin, he dear friend mae, whom i just made friends with, and olive herself of course :) I enjoyed conversing with olive and Mae, although it was the first time talking to Mae. so it's quite a surprise. There weren't as much barriers as opposed to other conversations i have with other new pple i meet. maybe coz 3 of us had something in common. hmmm... she noes natalya too. what a small world. this reminds me of how nat's relative was at the same party at natalya's house. This reminds me of how Aunty cecelia's brother was on the same bus as me, 171, and because i told him i knew him and tt i was aunty cel's goddaughther, he kindly told me what bus to take and escorted me to the bus stop,so i could get to old parliament house from the Ritz.
haha this is hostily and insanly heart warming for me and it's giving me 2nd tots on my resolve to leave singapore. I'd be leaving loads behind. oh well...
i noe all this contemplation wont get me anywhere... so i shall stop wallowing in the sacharrine beauty of life. coz tt's only one side of the box and reality bItes.
Saturday, July 17, 2004 10:53 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t
after adele called me.
good morning world...i came home and i see the usual bunch of malays hanging out at the marble tables and chairs... i didnt want to walk pass them and give them something to comment about. so i detoured to the provision shop, only to get more displeasure because there was this chinese guy smoking by the store... tell me i'm a moralist at heart. what a sucker ay? i have nothing much to say. MAybe the world would do better with one less person giving an opinion. perhaps i'll just remain quite quiet or uselessly loud.
perhaps it's nicer to talk about the two rubber bands on my wrist, which colours complement. purple and dark and light pink. i mean, it makes me happy.
u feel like chocolate and ice cream? well, i feel like you. :) TGIF.
oh i've added a photoshop modified at baileys. :) yay. so exicting. do check it out.
Friday, July 16, 2004 12:25 a.m.sl[i]p swe[3]t