dizzy up the girl
i came online when i was juz too bored to sit down and write about how technology affects education and thus affects the family. i need something nEw! arg. and the first thing tt greets me is someone who's MSN nick is "sadness...sigh....". Indeed, today is rather sad! Not for me but for a friend of mine n of course i'll feel sad for him right. hai. yea. but i guess some internal thoughts have to be settled first.also...i got into trouble todae and stupid me...got adele into trouble too. why didn't i run?? guess i'm dumb. k tmr i'll go have to see arthur lim. and maybe mrs tay will look for me too. mrs tay is the vp. she's mad. but the teacher who caught me, is even madder. firstly, she dresses up like some cleaner. next, she squaks and twists facts, telling pple tt del and i were talking so loudly in the reading room when we blatantly werent. Also... the J2s tell me as punishment, she makes some of them sing mary had a little lamb in hokkient. And when she's happy, she can exempt students from doing tests?? like... yes look who has the character problem here? i think ld rocks. i dunno why rafealla doesnt. guess it's juz different. and today, we did the sit-in-a-circle-and-share. del and i told our predicament and gave everyone a good laugh. it made me feel better too. yet my heart is still harbouring bout tmr. del hasn't msged me yet concerning arthur lim. i feel tt arthur lim would let us go more easily and if we report to him, he'll think we're really remorseful for wat we did and forgive us. if we don't go, he'll either forget(which he has a great tendency to do so) or feel even more angry coz we didn't turn up. yet i dunno... it juz shows...sometimes it doesn't pay to be honest.
seriously...
But we got to see a play called fightning during ld and i got to go home with some of the j2 ld peeps and i really enjoyed the chat with em! the topic of aj spirit.... the spirit of aj is tt we dont have a sch spirit at all. and the beauty of this place is... although the sch spirit really sucks, there are pple with cool attitudes in there! and tt's a consolation.i like to think the world is naturally pretty. hardly thought of pple being scheming or would so something juz for their benefit, at the stake of others. it's more of...don't wanna see in that point of view. guess i'm juz like that!
hur hur at night... i was studying at bk, it was not cold, thank god. and things juz got better and better. yep. rise and fall. was thinking bout waves todae and how they stretch out to the shore, then withdraw with as much might. It feels like a tiring, hard yet necessary process. like "agreeing" to authority. juz sae yes yes yes.
but before i forget,i'd like to thank del and brenda for teaching me standing broad jump skills. wouldm't have got a b, if not for u guys. QT was rather relative to mr too. the part where the guy finally forgave his dad. guess nat guessed rather accurately... but the quote from the bible felt heart soothing. yep. i guess i better go do my research on family. i'm tired already and i haven't even started. good night world. good night loves.
Thursday, May 22, 2003 1:15 a.m.
You are Storm!
You are very strong and very protective of those
you love. You are in tune with nature and are
very concerned with justice and humanity.
Unfortunately, certain apprehensions and fears
are very hard for you to overcome, and can
often inhibit you when most need to be strong.
Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, May 21, 2003 06:52 a.m.
what am i so afraid of?
what is making me unable to write anything down on this damn blog? why am i so concerned? Concerned with who i am? this is my pitas and i do watever the frig i want with it. Everything seemed bad todae. suppose to wake up at four to study.but i woke up fifteen minutes before my test.left a whole book of notes on elasticity. wat happened to my alarm clock?!
Econs test started. fine watever. MCQ questions bogged me down. i kept thinking, jan u were writing bloody notes and u can't even use ur brain right now? ur pathetic. i wanted to die halfwae through. imagined what it would be like to see 5/20 for mcq. hoorah jan~ hoorah hoorah hoorah. WHen the teacher said pens down, i had three remaining questions undone and circled away some inaccurate answers. like wat the hell. Now i'll get 2 upon twenty!
so DAta response began and just as i felt there was a possiblity tt THAT question would come out, it bloody did! eXCEPT... i didn't trust my damn feelings and i brushed the possibility away. adele always trusts her gut feelings. should i? i dunno. why am i basing wat do with, with wat other pple are doing. this is so screwed up. is this influence or adapting correct methods or simply following blindly like some idiot. IDiot idiot idiot.
they asked the question on how the data could help the suppliers. damn i went through tt yesterdae and i friggin forgot tt "TOTAL REVENUE" existed. felt like some person stuck at the other end of the cliff w/out the bridge to get across to the other. the link link link. sigh. i mean like forget it la. i'm juz screwed.
yesterdae i was contemplating on why i fought so many wars with myself. why? why? i feel so screwed up doing so. today i have no mood wadsoever to research on family. freak la. i dun care! i'm gonna care later but not now. i dun feel like caring ever! but i told myself tt these wars are my own. challenges i must overcome. the wars is meant to be fought by me and me alone. No one is suppose to help me. does it sound positive? i dun even care how i sound. i'm juz writing la. writing away like a piece of nothingness and lump of useless substance at the corner.
and i so hate it. hate eating when i am not hungry! came home, told myself not to eat and mom bought breakfast. and i told myself, jan forget it, eat. numb it, destroy urself. see how far u can go ,explode, die, waste, burst, disperse, sizzle away, disapear.
yes this is the reason why i eat when i'm not hungry. It's a horrible reason. u never gain any satisfaction eating coz eating doesnt help solve the problem coz the problem isn't coz ur hungry. the problem lies within. somewhere. samson can get full marks for econs. what's happening to me?
i juz feel really horrible. my face is rounding. there is not direct and immediate solution. yes yes i know and it irritates me. but why does it irritate me. where is my patience? why can i be patient? why cant i practice self control? why do i let my emotions take over me? i feel so weak, useless, unaccomplised. not doing one's intentions would might as well mean not having the intentions at all. there's a difference between knowing and understanding. Right now i know but i'm sick of trying to understand and accept facts tt i accept oh so quickly most of the time. time is here where i need to know a bit more than Why~. frig la. chocolates and chips will be the death of me. i am the death of me.
Saturday, May 17, 2003 11:07 a.m.
this is the feeling when u have so much to say and you don't know where to begin.
It's just one of those days
Where ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away mf*er!
It's just one of those days!
I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance
Cuz right now I'm dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those mfkers, they want to step up
I hope ya know
I pack a chainsaw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps going this way
I just might break something tonight
Give me something to break
give me something to break...
credits toLimpbizkit
Saturday, May 17, 2003 10.35a.m.
visited new water todae without and open mind. lalala. and it was very slack. all of us got free new water bottles which i never brought home in the end. Was rushing home coz tmr i'd have plea my wae out to go tiong baru to watch matrix at 8pm. LOL. and my phone line has been tampered with by starhub. i cant sms or make calls! can only recieve sms and calls. siGh. all tt inconvenience. but helps me save money. and where is everybody! no one's at home again :) haha good and bad la.
Went back to SN with del todae and i walked Shunyi home. heehee had a nice long talk with her! today is the "get rid of all ur errands once and for all dae" and yea i guess i am done and very very broke! oh well. yea finally online like after so so so long. take care world! i hope the RJ and AJ bad match went okae. hope some of my class pple are enjoying their class outing(they're going town! del initiated the idea but she isn't there). i wish my ld vp a very merry birthdae(although i didn't go for cca) and i wish all the 74 pussies are doing fine. And nat rugby session to be good. i hope the teachers in SN(mainly mrs ong, mrs ang, chen lao shi and mrs koh) to enjoy their break tomorrow and for the whole world to juz be glad for a moment and for mark keep optimistic and strong(mentally). And adele to really enjoy herself todae and find fulfilness in her heart. and adonsia to not get caught by her mom(just in case)the list could go on ladadadadadadaaaaa.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 07:44 p.m.
:/
Tuesday, May 6, 2003 06:44 a.m.
each moment is new, sieze the momentbird's eye view, with the padang right infront of my eyes. and the esplanade over the field, greeting me with all it's tiny white lights dotted beautifully across it's durian structure. To my left, suntec city stood proud and Swissotel, even with more pride, soaring above all other buildings around it. And at the opposite end, was raffles place and all it's splendor. Amongst this was the uob plaza building i used to work at for a while. 60th storeys worth of paperwork, desks, computers, printers?? how rich thou art! And behind me, was the old parliament,standing ceremoniously and protectively like massive stone structures of the two kings of Gondor. Everything was rather quiet(aside from the cars that wheezed passed occassionally). Some pple sought refuge in the huge empty padang, silent in pensive thinking n i'm glad for them, coz they might find clarity in such golden quietus. Yesterday i felt as if i poured my whole heart of worries out into the open. i didn't think i could put all i felt for the whole week, in words and sentences. But i did. And i'm glad and i'm thankful and i love you lord for u made every single part of that night a moment of great happiness.
every lil' thing tt you do(well most of it!) baby, i'm amazed by you. :) hello world. how do u do?
Saturday, May 3, 2003 08:16 a.m.
intentions undone
i wanted to,
give you a flower.
And make my brain,
churn out a song.
For you,
i'd plant a red rose,
place it by ur bed,
And greet u,
by poking your nose.
I could think,
of all these pretty
intentions.
Yet anyone could,
did i ever
mention?
I'm just born
with a vivid imagination,
and a hazy dreamy head,
with too many undone intentions.
Horrendous damnation.Crown Him in summer with sunshine, laughter, and waving grass.
Crown Him in Spring, with berries, blossoms, and the first green shoots.
Crown him in autumn, in frost, ivy, and north wind.
Never crown him in winter.
He is deathless.
Never crown him with snows, icicles, and white gales.
He is timeless.
His love melts all winters.
He is Love.
Saturday, April 26, 2003 07:22 a.m.
i cant seem to find anything on the PW! arg :( but tt's not the point here. my parents are at CDANS and i'm all alone at home! :) yay. but...tt's still not the point here! talked to you ydae. -me & my stupid mouth- reminded of things tt happened before... you're super stressed! dont be.what the hell la.Listening to 6 angry guys whinning again.(LP) yep and i can blast it eXceptionaLLy loud coz my parents ain't home. why do i often end up writing things i don't mean??had to write this down! went back to SA ydae. so extra (again...) but at least i met my whole bunch of friends there who are still so friendly. Later i had the luxury of feasting at NYDC :) and took a nice stroll w earthworms on the floor(hee!). Later we met up w gay. glad things w his parents not so bad laaa. gay's new name is some indian word for smelly *teeeeeeet!*
i guess everydae, there's a good and bad. praise n worship was pretty pretty ydae! loved it(80%). wat's with me n the darn brackets?? ningkampoot
Saturday, April 26, 2003 07:06 a.m.
enjoyed myself today in school more than usual... coz we were so crappy. glad my ex 74 class enjoyed themselves too, according to wat i heard! yea. the digi cam is the nicest toy we jc kids can have! take and delete! haha damn lame...
our pang jee tcher noticed all our compre ans. are the same so she asked mui, don & me to redo... mui and i ended poking a hole in the paper and tried to take candid shots of our pang jee teacher wout flash of course! haha it's so 74. hehe. to see how our teacher looks like, pls click on vodka :) heeheeheehee. then we were taking photos in the canteen, classroom, reading room! so fun!! TOdae...we also learnt bout exicited atoms... oooo haha get wad it means? i wished my chem teacher a nice night!(tsk tsk) and project work was a blast todae. adele's in my group! harhar wat comfort and convenience! yay. our group suddenly sprung up to life as we babbled on with the thoughts in our head, leavin del in disarray on what to copy. oh well... And CHem lesson was most funnie todae. we went in 15 min late... i came in supposed from the toilet with 2 chem tys, mui folded paper air planes and tried to hit clarabelle w it, n we were laughing so hard over nothing tt we had to find dumb excuses for our irratic laughter... eg "the molecules in the tys look so funny!" hahaha so lame and our class was chatting about. i guess the long dae made everyone so mad.Then at the reading room, when we were w Kang, we were laughing and crapping bout as well n we made such a din but what the HECK :) yea tt's the life man!our eng teacher was crappy todae as well... telling us how beautiful gp was. much better than gp teachers talking bout sex all the time. ** LOL. Kang tried to be a gf todae. lao pok pok though. haha so bhb. dunno how to act really wan! nice nice dae. i dun thinks i'm going tuition tmr.... my cheena lies untouched. but admist all this crap, something's brewin in the air! woo hoo~ hehe.
Thursday, April 24, 2003 06:27 p.m.
listening to John mayor... haha i bought the cd. he has a periodic table on his cd...well tt makes a record breaker,3 CDS in a row. haha linkin park, doves, and now John Mayor. YAy. hooray! and today i ate bread for every meal. Morning was corn bread. Break/lunch was wholemeal bread w kaya and tuna. Tea was waffles w Kiwi and icecream n some fudge stolen from Joshey :) and dinner was 2 slices wholemeal bread n 1 slice of corn bread!i came home and saw my dad standing by the kitchen door staring at the living room. i look at the living room, and see a 51inch TV glaring at me. i'm so not used to it... the images on the screen seem to pop out. it's like scary lor. or maybe my eyes are juz tired... decided to blog b4 i hit the sack and neglect all my homework. HAHA. i dun freaking care anymore. i realised tt i've been stressed coz i'm not doing my homework! like what the ... haha it sounds preposterous but it's true! juz didn't have the energy to do so and i worry every single dae how i'm going to finish studying all my cheena...freak la...
thanks amanda though for telling me there's buffy tonight...harhar. can u imagine me seeing vampires on my big screen looking as if they're gonna enter my living room?? heehee.
my eyes feel so so so damn tired. they feel so heavy, ever since the start of morning. today didn't get picked by many teachers la. which is good in a sense. and don and me POnneD bio lec coz we were so sick of studying n we were all feeling damn lethargic. so we planned to go eat fishy fish and then go reading room and slp slp but we ended up eating too long and talking too much. but we were still damn tired... hai my brain stopped functioning already lar. AS in really really died ed already. John mayor needs to be listened alone, in an air con room and to lull u to sleep! yea which is wat i'll do! goodie goodie! my eyes so want tt sleep so badly. and i shall stop worrying coz it gets me no where.
the canteen in aj is such a turn off, tt when we're having break, we need to SEARCH in this dry dry desert for some good food. haha oh well whatever... at least Mr ong didn't get to pick on me todae. haha how's adele and carol? waah one thing todae, carol can't wear her uniform properly! it's too BEEG for her. adele do u hear??!!!! hahas. okay went harbour front todae. there's pasta MAnia, aint tt lovely? i see so many SA pple, i almost forgot i was in AJ uniform...sigh... i miss SA to bits and bits and bits. the book shop uncle asked me if i were stressed todae. so cute! yea so sweet of him. and the other bookshop lady and i have become friends too! she always offers sweets. haha oh well... i think aj pple are unique in their own special waes but they dont intergrate it into their school life, which is why AJ is such a bore. but who cares! as long as the pple noe how to lead lives, then tt's good! haha oh well... watever. i make ajc pple sound soo good. watever watever... all normative. good night! i'm gonna get some freaking sleep!!!!!!!!!!!! nonetheless... pple still run through my head :) is there any cca where my job is to take good care of my friends?? yea tt wud be a good cca. glad to have met eileen, joshua, caleb and mark todae. i got the JACKASS CD! yay. euphoric! and some pple are juz so sweet!
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 07:08 p.m.
bought the Meteora CD today! hooRAH! yayayaY! haha i'm suaning mark coz he doesn't have the CD! don't worry! you'll get it soon! couldn't get the aqualung CD though. they only have it in Borders i guess. i mean walau, CD hut doesn't even have Doves?? i need to buy eels too! but i dunno whether i should buy these cds or buy tt pink sportsbra i want from nike or tt orange black tank top! hmm hmm hmm :) heehee juz got cash from my brother! i used up all my free sms es this month! i have to starve for nine days b4 i can sms again! :( oh well... my mom can't stand linkin park. harhar. school was quite fun, coz i irritated teachers with my friends! wad saddistic pleasures... and iwas blinded repeatedly into joining council. i guess there IS MUCH more things to do than join council. goodness Jan, watever am i thinking! -Whirlwind inside of my head!- yesterday del and i were screaming LInkin Park on the phone like mad twits... haha she changed her combi and she can't bloody go online. poopers for her! hope she gets her internet connection back and i SO SO So hope she gets into my CLASS!!!! and we can hold an anarchy! good night world. i'm screwed up n loving it. ya right... haha no la. i think i'm just talking big... going erratic...wonder who i'm learning this from!
Monday, April 21, 2003 10:01 p.m.
wish i didn't sleep at all. it feels good waking up at four when most of the world i live in sleeps. i can't believe tt it's rumoured she and she are attached. gonna read her blog now. damn funnie. haha. yay glad my dad is snoozing away in lala land. no one to tell me to get offline already. i know why my previous entry couldn't be seen. it's quite queer really... sometimes i juz dunno wat i'm doing i guess. i feel like buying aqualung. and suck myself up into the lung n stay there. it's school again and tt really sucks. i hate school. the last thing i want to do in sch is study. where's the logic in that? not worth crying when ur disappointed?? i guess tt makes sense. like how i can seem to bable and drone on how life sucks when i should be looking at how pretty it is. but sometimes sad is good... :/
Monday, April 21, 2003 05:51 a.m.
listeening to John Mayor once again, to get myself in the mood... It's the only song i got and sometimes i wish it never ends, like how u put ur fave song on repeat mode on ur discman. harhar :) gotta thank Kang for burning this song for me on a mini cd...ydae ydae ydae. let's start from Friday. I went for good friday for the first time w/out my parents :) at St Joseph's which is in town. Oh wat joyous convenience. Bought Onion a vibRator and a screaming shirt. harhar. i met Sang too. She gets chioer and chioer everytime i see her! oh man... :)Then later we visited the Arts Museum, ex SJI. yea the museum was great :) alot of visitor participation required which is good! But there was very queer curator who has cyan green acrylic like glasses who seemed ignorant abt the works around him! We got in for free though. School affiliation. Then we waited one hour for mass to start and before we even noticed it, devotees were standing outside the church, holding pretty candles. An action of faith?? well i was just happy to see their avid devotion to god. Then i witness god being taken down from the cross. it was a bit draggy but if you keep focused, you can actually cry!
Later i went to Joanne's church at Adams Road. My mom actually allowed me to go! i was OVERJOYED :) yay thank the lord! heehee. met Mui Ngee, my class mate, and Ben, Nat's lover. Lol. heehee But because of my rather unruly behavior while the play was going on(eg sliding on the carpet),i guess i pissed the pastor off! oh well.-wotevaaa-i must thank Zhifu, Mark and Nat for such a wonderful good friday :)
Wat happens after church?? lol i had the very fortunate coincidence of meeting Nat at Adam Road food centre! haha "oh you're here!" "oh did u go to Joanne's Church??" hahaha his grandma wanted to drink Kembang Soup. oh but this is even funnier, My MOM took note of Nat first and she was euphoric upon seeing him. harhar funnaeeee... but my dad was expressionless, as usual.
Here comes saturday...i met my pussified 74 dears in town!!! Genson, bell, olivia, gay,margaret, daryl. yay :) then we went to watch Anger Management, after i told Samson to go for the PW thing for me. tHAnks SAMSON!! guess he'll nvr read this but i gotta thank him, if not i would not have enjoyed such a greeaat LAME sweet show and make do with unappealing Dream Catcher... tell me i'm bad. haha. Met crystal and yes she was soo soo chio. heehee and i met my darling xiaoting still so tiny, still smiley though dion tells me she's stressed to the coRe. but i'm glad god placed us in town so we can meet each other! And Caleb introduced us to a new thing to do in town! Go Borders and listening to any CD but u only hear snippets la, which is good!!! yay. time slipped through our hands as we made each other listen to diff songs. so funnae.Saturday ended when i had to go back "from AJC". heehee. Later, mass was great. Like from darkness to Light and the happiness tt god has risen! yay. happy easter!Met Jonathan on the way up and it reminded me of confirmationtion camp. harhar. Later i went to CHOMP CHOMP to CHOMP on food. heehee. near edith's and Jaclyn's house and near Nat's church, i think. the food was great! my dad wanted to go adam road to eat Rojak again. haha. okae. i dont mind! And was on the phone. Had a great conversation till three. oh well... good morning world! Let everything tt breathes praise the lord. tt line is stuck in my head...k i'm done!
Sunday, April 20, 2003 09:20 a.m.
i'd like to tell you, stand inside the light...
anywae i'm writing this before i go for mass which is at 8.30 and people are already flooding in... dad's bugging me. shall write proper later. sian. i enjoyed myself today though. many thoughts in my air head and a good laugh watching anger management!
Saturday, April 19, 2003 07:20 p.m.